xx; | i've [ LOST ] my way.

[Roxie !]

It was one of those sultry, humid, and altogether unbearably hot summer days. The heat had peaked around noon, when the sun was highest in the sky, but now the day crawled into late afternoon. It would even be reaching evening soon, which meant that the deputy of BloodClan would have to be reporting back to camp. She had to at least attempt to maintain a bit of order, and make sure that every cat had been accounted for. As a general rule, BloodClan cats didn't associate much with each other, unless they were mates or family, or unless they were united under some common goal--a battle to take over the forest, for instance. In fact, it wouldn't surprise her many of the cats in her Clan couldn't even name all of there Clan-mates. But as deputy, the she-cat called Juliet had memorized each of them by name, noting their strengths...and their weaknesses.

But before she returned, she would eat something. Juliet looked around, and then snorted. It was part of BloodClan life to live off of trash and crowfood half the time, but she had been born a loner. She had never quite lost her taste for fresh-kill, and her nose wrinkled in disgust when she thought of some of the things that her Clan-mates willingly ate out of two-leg dumpsters. No, Juliet preferred to hunt for herself. The trouble was, in this deadened forest, there wasn't much prey to be found. The tabby had known from the start that she would have better luck finding a mouse out in the open fields, so earlier that day she had headed out into loner territory.

Apparantly, luck had been on her side. She had caught scent of a rabbit, and had chased it down quickly, though with a bit of difficulty. Juliet had rarely hunted rabbits or hares before. Seconds after she'd caught the thing, however, she realized that she had chased it into the familiar moorland that belonged to WindClan.

She had been a bit startled. Only a few days ago, she had been chased across those very same moors by a pack of vicious dogs. Why had she somehow been drawn back there again? Well, she hadn't stopped to ponder it for very long. Juliet had left the territory quickly--she wasn't sure how she'd explain herself if she was caught, especially by that warrior--what had his name been?--Buckthorn.

And now, here she was, back in her own Clan's barren excuse for territory. She was staring down at the rabbit she had caught, her icy blue eyes narrowed into slits. Although unintentionally, she had stolen this rabbit from WindClan, and she suddenly wasn't feeling so hungry anymore. What's wrong with me? The she-cat thought angrily. Stealing from the Clans isn't anything new--and it's ridiculous how they try to own their territory, anyway. But then there was the fact that that warrior had so willingly helped her a few days before, and this was how she had thanked him. Juliet knew what being taken advantage of felt like, and she didn't much enjoy inflicting it on others.

Still, whether she liked it or not, she was a BloodClan cat. And BloodClan cats did not feel guilty. She told herself that she owed the tabby tom nothing...it was his own fault if he was foolish enough to help her so blindly. Pushing all emotions away, Juliet flattened her ears and dug her claws into the ground. Before she could talk herself out of it any further, she bent slightly and took a bite out of her prey.

Life downright sucked.

[{ tessa }]

Buckthorn can't believe what he has just witnessed. The open moors allow cats to see all around for a good distance. When he spotted a familiar light tabby pelt, he naturally wondered why this loner had returned to WindClan's territory. He has shown her where the border is, and judging from how they had parted last, he was pretty sure she wouldn't be coming back. He has to admit, he was wrong.

He was naturally suspicious. But he wasn't the type to jump to conclusions. So he had started to approach her. But that had been before he saw her take the rabbit. Juliet was stealing prey! From his Clan! Buckthorn remembers the jolt of anger he had felt initially. This was typical rogue behavior. If they were grateful for something, they didn't stay grateful for long! But Buckthorn had vowed that Juliet wouldn't get away with this. She was already crossing the border back into free land. So he had followed her with the intent of confronting her.

She had led him a long way over loner territory, showing no sign of stopping. Buckthorn thought about calling out to stop her, chasing her if need be. But he could not help his curiosity. He remembers thinking, *Where is she going?* So he continued to follow, silently.

Those are the events that have led him here. Buckthorn recognizes the place with disgust, even though he has never been here before. No Clan-cat that he knows of would venture here willingly. Because this is BloodClan's territory. Buckthorn's first thought is that maybe Juliet isn't aware of the horrible place she is intruding. But he finds it very odd that she would not go straight back to her barn to eat. And she walks through these woods with too much purpose and certainty to be a stranger here.

Buckthorn can't believe it. He saved a BloodClanner's life. He let a BloodClanner escape WindClan territory unscathed. He can't believe he was so easily tricked!

The smartest thing to do here is to let it go and get out of this place as quick as possible. But Buckthorn is too shocked and angry, and too protective of WindClan, too let this pass without doing anything. What's to stop Juliet from coming back and stealing even more prey?!

Buckthorn steps out of the shadows, his amber eyes glaring at her. He stops a few feet away, his claws unsheathed. "You lied to me." He accuses in a low growl. He looks at the rabbit, and then back at Juliet. "Is that what you were doing when the dogs got loose? Stealing prey?" He demands angrily. "Or planning to murder one of my Clan-mates?"

[Roxie !]

The very same moment the tom revealed his presence, Juliet froze. She was now very aware that she was not alone, but by scent, she could tell that this cat was not of BloodClan. Had she really been so deeply in thought that she hadn't noticed being followed? The deputy gritted her teeth. A mistake like that could cost her her life. But at any rate, this cat didn't seem to have any intention of attacking her--at least, not yet, or he would've done so already. Slowly, she lifted her head to meet his gaze. Right as she did so, the tom spoke to her, and when his voice rang through the still air, she knew who he was before their eyes even met.

No way. She thought flatly. There is no way I'm this unlucky. Someone up there has it in for me. Though these were the immediate thoughts that jumped into her mind, Juliet disregarded them as foolish immediately. There was no such thing as the afterlife, everyone who had half a brain knew that. But this was hardly a time to argue such things. She stared at Buckthorn as he spoke accusingly to her, and for a moment her blue eyes betrayed the wide, blank shock she was feeling. In a flash, she carefully rearranged her expression so that none of her emotions were displayed. Juliet now bore her trademark icy glare, the one she used to distance herself from everyone around her.

Buckthorn must have followed her all the way from the moorland. How could she have been so stupid not to have noticed? And now, here he was, in her territory, accusing her of lies and betrayal; all of the things she did so very well. Her tail tip twitched. Her eyes narrowed. Right now, Juliet wasn't sure what she could possibly say that would make the WindClan warrior just go away and leave her thoughts. Her best bet would probably be to treat him with typical BloodClan arrogance and lack of remorse, until he walked away in frustration and disgust.

"Okay. I lied." Juliet agreed tonelessly. She was done denying it, and, well, lying was a way of life. Of staying alive, really. She just wasn't used to seeing the effects of these lies before her. She firmly managed to at least appear unphased, however, until Buckthorn's last comment registered. So now, he was accusing her of murder? He was exactly like all Clan-cats: judging her because she was in BloodClan. Well, she thought with vicious bitterness. If that has him shook up, might as well see how far he can be pushed.

"By the way," She added, "Since we're getting this all out in the open, you might as well know that apart from being in BloodClan, I'm also their deputy." The she-cat's tone was dry and lacked the pride that some would think usual. Really, she was just telling Buckthorn this to make him even more incredulous and angry, and so hopefully getting him to leave sooner.

Juliet had every intention of closing her mouth and waiting for the warrior's reaction. Try as she might, however, she couldn't let that last comment go unnoticed. Her tabby fur was still bristling from her initial reaction to it, and she gave a low growl. "And if I really wanted to kill one of your precious WindClan, don't you think I would've finished you off when I had the chance?" She pointed out frostily.

[{ tessa }]

Buckthorn's eyes widen. He didn't know what to expect. He supposes he thought she would try to attack him for following her. But Juliet doesn't move. He realizes now how stupid he was to confront her in the first place. It doesn't help when she reveals that she is BloodClan's deputy. *Could I have picked a worse cat to mess with?* Buckthorn thinks in frustration. He tenses. If Juliet was picked to be the BloodClan deputy, then she is obviously a dangerous cat. He can't let his guard down for a second now that he knows the truth.

Back at the moors, Buckthorn remembers telling her so much about WindClan. He tries to recall the exact details, and curses himself for talking so much. Had he said anything that this she-cat could use against his Clan? Buckthorn will never forgive himself if he had. But according to Juliet, she isn't interested in harming WindClan. Buckthorn frowns even deeper. He finds that very hard to believe. She's a BloodClan cat. Why wouldn't she seize any chance to rid the forest of one of its four Clans?

But she does have a point. A few days ago, Buckthorn let his guard down to easily. He realizes this now. He had spoken freely to her and even turned his back on her to lead her through the territory. Juliet could have attacked him at any time. And she can now if she wants to. It mnust be some kind of trick. Buckthorn doesn't know how to respond.

"So why didn't you?" He asks, unable to fight back his curiosity. His voice is full of suspicion. His anger still has not ebbed away, but he wants to find out what Juliet is up to.

[Roxie !]

Having a warrior of WindClan confronting her in the middle of her territory already had Juliet on edge. She wasn't in the mood for discussions, especially when one of her Clan-mates could stumble upon them at any moment. If she were seen conversing with a Clan cat, suspicion would rise against her--and if Buckthorn was seen here, no doubt things would get violent. She cast an anxious glance over her shoulder. Satisfied that no one was lurking in the shadows (at least, not currently), the deputy turned with narrowed eyes to face the tom once more.

His question made her paws prickle gingerly. Buckthorn had no business asking the questions when he was on her territory. So she had lied to him. It wasn't her fault that these sheltered Clan warriors never decieved each other. If only life were that easy. But it wasn't. He had no right blaming her for doing what she had to do to survive, and he definately had no right making her feel guilty like this. Why should she even care about this tabby tom? She hardly knew anything about him. Besides, as a rule, Juliet didn't care about anyone. And that wasn't going to change any time soon.

Even so, the she-cat couldn't prevent her blood boiling in response to Buckthorn's next question. Each word that left the tom's mouth only served to provoke her temper. It seemed that he now had it in his head that she was nothing but an evil, soulless killing machine. For heaven's sake, Buckthorn had saved her life. Why would she have any motive to murder him after that? Although her Juliet's eyes remained cold and blank, her tail lashed furiously behind her. The inquiry quite obviously bothered her.

For a moment, Juliet considered not answering him at all, and simply walking away. But in his current mouse-brained state, she didn't doubt that Buckthorn would try to follow her. If she led him any deeper into BloodClan territory, they'd both be in trouble. Frustrated beyond belief, she rounded on Buckthorn and unintentionally vented. "I don't know who you think you are, but let me tell you something: you don't know anything about me." The deputy snarled in a low, dangerous voice. "I may be from BloodClan. But I am not a murderer."

Feeling too incensed to carry on this conversation much longer, and utterly confused as to why this tom was managing to get her so worked up, Juliet looked away. "Take the rabbit, if it means so much to you. Just get out." She told him coldly. Whatever else happened, she hoped that her outburst would be enough to get Buckthorn to listen to her. He needed to leave this place, and he needed to do it soon.

[{ tessa }]

Juliet's outburst catches him by surprise. Buckthorn stares at her with wide amber eyes. She seems to have taken offense to his question. He doesn't know what he expected, but it wasn't this. He doesn't know what to say. But then he thinks that maybe it's best not to say anything at all. It seems best not to pursue this topic. Buckthorn doesn't want to provoke her temper, he just wants to make sure she won't think about stealing prey again. It seems he has gotten into this deeper than he intended to.

As Buckthorn thinks about what Juliet said, he realizes that he doesn't know whether he believes her or not. She lied to him once before, so what's to stop her doing it again now? He has to admit that her indignance is convincing. But Buckthorn can't trust her yet.

Suddenly, she's telling him to leave. Buckthorn's whiskers twitch in confusion. This is a change. Maybe she just doesn't want to argue with him any more. Buckthorn looks at the rabbit. He pads toward it slowly, but when he reaches it, he does not pick it up. Instead, he is watching Juliet carefully at this new, closer angle. He isn't satisfied with her explanation yet. "I don't want the rabbit. I want to hear that you won't do it again." He growls warily.

But Buckthorn doesn't miss the way she glances over her shoulder, looking for something...or someone. And now that he thinks of it, the urgency with which she's telling him to leave is suspicious. "What are you so afraid of?" Buckthorn asks.

[Roxie !]

Light dusty brown paws scuffed against the earth impatiently. Juliet knew she should have known better than to hope that the stubborn WindClan warrior would simply walk away without another word. But he couldn't be found here. How could she get him to leave? She lowered her gaze and swept them over the ground, as if she might find her answer there. Suddenly, the sound of pawsteps broke the newly fallen silence, and her gaze snapped upward. But instead of watching Buckthorn leave, she now found the tom alarmingly close to her, standing over the rabbit and glaring at her. This was looking worse by the second.

She was hardly listening as he spoke to her again, probably still demanding an explanation from her. Juliet's ears twitched nervously as she fought to maintain her cold expression. Yet another question was aimed at her, and with an exasperated growl, she turned to meet Buckthorn's gaze once again. Once again, this tom was acting as if he knew her. She opened her mouth angrily to retort. "I'm not--"

But even as the deputy spoke, a loud snapping sound rang out behind her. Juliet froze, every muscle in her body tensing. Her striped fur was prickling uneasily, and her ears flicked back to listen. No further sound came from the shadows of the forest. It was probably just a fallen branch; most of the trees in this wood were so old that they were literally falling apart. Knowing this did nothing to relax the she-cat, however. This whole experience was putting her on edge. Even as she focused once again on the situation at hand, she realized that she had unintentionally dug her claws deep into the ground. Slowly, Juliet relaxed her grip, frowning slightly. Her reaction to the noise had, no doubt, gone against the denial she had been about to voice. Annoyed that he had been able to read her emotions so clearly, she narrowed her eyes further.

Perhaps she was scared. Scared of the questions that would arise against her if she were found with a Clan cat. Scared of the suspicion that would follow. Scared of this warrior being torn apart by her vicious Clan-mates. Wait--Juliet blinked several times. No, that was wrong. She didn't care--she was just looking out for herself. As always. Right?

Shaking her head, she leaned in closer to Buckthorn, so that their noses were only inches away from each other's. The deputy widened her eyes slightly, and tried to force every ounce of earnestness she could muster into her tone when she spoke again. "Listen to me," Juliet hissed in a low, urgent voice. "You have no idea what my Clan is capable of. What they could do to you...or...or the ones you care about. If you did, and if you had any sense at all, you'd be more scared than I am." She told him fiercely.

[{ tessa }]

Buckthorn gapes at her, even more taken aback than before. His mind is quickly filling with questions. Sure, he knows about BloodClan. Every Clan cat has at the very least heard rumors and mutterings. Dark tales designed to keep kits close to their mothers. But Buckthorn has never met a BloodClan cat before, and before today he wasn't even completely convinced that they were still around. He narrows his eyes at Juliet, wondering what she could be talking about. If she knows something about BloodClan that could threaten the whole forest, he can't just let it go. But from the expression on her face, she really doesn't want to talk about it.

And why does she even care about him being found? To her, Buckthorn is just a Clan cat. They should be enemies. Is Juliet just afraid of getting in trouble for speaking to him? Buckthorn would guess that this is probably the case. But he has never heard a deputy talk about their Clan this way. Juliet doesn't speak of them with pride or fondness. In fact, she looks kind of...scared. Buckthorn would think that if a cat like Juliet is scared, then there's a good reason for it.

He looks around. He decides that he really should be going soon. But he doesn't want to appear as if her words stirred him up too much. Buckthorn sighs and stares Juliet in the eyes levelly. He tries to read the emotions there, but finds that it's more hard than he would have expected. What does this she-cat know? What isn't she telling him?

"Juliet," Buckthorn addresses her in a voice that is almost a whisper. "If that's how you think of them, then why are you here? Why are you their deputy? Or does BloodClan frighten all their cats into obedience?" He growls.

[Roxie !]

Wordlessly, she met his bright amber gaze as he spoke to her in a softened tone. When Buckthorn asked her these questions, he was asking her more than he knew. For how many times, over her life spent in BloodClan, had she asked herself the very same question? And each time, she'd always known the answer. Once you got involved with BloodClan, there was no getting out. Though Juliet longed with all her heart(or all that was left of it) to run away and leave all of this far, far behind, she knew she couldn't do that. She had everything to lose.

You wouldn't understand. Juliet didn't voice this thought aloud--it would only provoke more questions-- but her blue eyes pleaded with the WindClan warrior. It was true, Buckthorn could never understand what bound her here. She had seen it herself only days ago, how much he cared for his Clan. He had his freedom, and yet he chose to serve WindClan, and to put them before all else. He was truly happy there, with the cats he cared he cared about...and no one had ever threatened to take them away from him. He had everything that Juliet had ever wanted. And yet, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate him for it. Buckthorn was different than any other cat she'd ever met. All of his intentions, even his confrontation of her now, were ultimately good. He didn't survive through corruption and manipulation. He survived through loyalty and truth. Juliet didn't want to take that away from him. As long as one cat in this forest with those ideals survived, perhaps there was hope for the rest of them.

Once you get involved with BloodClan, you don't get out. Her thoughts repeated. Juliet let out a soft sigh. She couldn't let that happen to him. She could let another cat be ensnared. The deputy closed her eyes, unable to look at him anymore. She took a deep breath, and then spoke. "Please," She murmured with uncharacteristic gentleness. "Please go. I don't want to see you get hurt."

She would tell him the truth, just this once. Just for a moment, she'd allow a flicker of her emotions to be displayed...if only to convince him to leave this place forever. Her eyes fluttered open again, and she met Buckthorn's gaze briefly, before stepping back. It was as if distancing herself from him physically would also distance herself emotionally. It was something Juliet had been doing all her life. And it was something she had to do now. This tom had effected her in such a strange way, but she knew by now not to allow her emotions to get the best of her. So she did the only thing she could do. After one more moment, she tore her gaze away from Buckthorn, turned around, and padded into the deadened undergrowth.

She would be alone again. But that was the way it was meant to be.

[{ tessa }]

Buckthorn can't believe that this she-cat manages to keep shocking him. He stares after her, bewildered, as she walks away. He doesn't even have time to say anything to her. Juliet doesn't want him to get hurt? But why? They're supposed to hate each other. Though when he thinks about it, he admits that he doesn't hate her. Back at the moor, he almost even enjoyed her company. But Buckthorn has been taught that BloodClan cats don't feel. They aren't capable of pity or compassion. But if that was true, then what had Juliet just shown him? *Maybe I heard her wrong.* Buckthorn thinks, frowning.

Something inside him is still insisted that this must be a trick. Juliet is so...real. Nothing like what he would have expected a BloodClan cat to be like. Though she lied to him before, she seemed sincere a moment ago. Buckthorn really doesn't know what to think of her. She's very good at hiding what she truly feels, and it's confusing him. But he can tell one thing: she is not happy. Buckthorn can't imagine hating your Clan that much. And he can't understand why she won't just leave. He almost feels sorry for her, but he knows if he told her that, she'd probably claw his ears off.

Buckthorn watches Juliet leave with a feeling he doesn't really understand. He almost doesn't want her to go. But he knows she is right. He needs to get out of here, and to get back to his own Clan. The leader wouldn't be happy to know that one of his warriors was lurking around BloodClan territory. With one last look, Buckthorn shakes his head. He turns around and pads in the other direction, back to his own territory.