Cool like third degree burns...

[le Dawnz]

-falls out of chair-

[Roxie !]

_{O.O -whimpers-....Dawnie?!! -pokes warily-}

[torneh]

random: at 8:27 at night, celery tastes WORSE THAN IT EVER DID!

anyways. I'M FAMOUS! gumbo would love this. he'd be all "woohoo! let's play! -breaks into random micheal jackson song and dance-" he refuses to eat sometimes becuase he'd rather play >.>

[squee.]

xD Lakota's the same way. he'd rather play than eat.

and XDDDDD love it, roxalot!

[Roxie !]

_{Yesh Torneh. Yesh you are. Have a a sticker -puts 'I'm Famous!' sticker on Torneh's forehead-. And Tank yoooou Lineh!!
xDD My dog looks at his food, flips it over and spills it everywhere, and leaves to get into the refridgerater. Yes, he knows how.}

[Roxie !]

<sub>Chapter 14:Questions of Sanity and Inner Conflict

Welcome back, dear readers! Today we have a very special chapter. Do you know why that is? Because today we have a BONUS section! –gush- And it’s caaaaalled Lineh’s Corner! Or the 'Authoress's Weak Attempt to Make Up for all the Cruddy Luck Lineh's Been Getting in This Story'. But I like the first one better.

Everybody began to clap, but once the clapping died down, cricket noises were left to fill the air. Lineh looked around shiftily as everyone waited for her to say something.

“Uh…” She frowned. “What do you want me to do?”

“So Lineh, how does it feel to die so young in this ridiculous story?” Inquired a reporter.

“But I didn’t die!” Lineh pounded her fist on the table. “It was Jasmine! I let her borrow the stupid shoes!”

“Denial.” Tsked the therapist. “You should come to one of my sessions, they’re really helpful.”

“Right.” Lineh decided to let the matter be. Who cared what these people thought, anyway. “Let’s just say I cheated death.”

“You cheated death?!” Gasped an innocent youngster. “I’m telling!”

“Does anyone have anything else to add?!” She snarled, officially pissed off.

There was a moment of silence before someone in the audience spoke. “Sometimes I worry that if I’m looking for a bathroom…and I can’t find one…that my bladder will explode.”

Lineh blinked. “Alrighty then. Today, on Lineh’s Corner, we have a very special guest! Please welcome former Wicked actress Shoshana Bean!”

Everyone cheered as poor Shoshana was pushed on stage and forced to sit in the chair opposite Lineh.

“So, how do you think our new musical is affecting Wicked?” Asked Lineh.

Shoshana gulped. “Well…it’s kind of scary…”

“Wrong answer!” Lineh snapped her fingers, and someone whacked Shoshana over the head with a golf club.

There were several censored ‘beeps’ from her mouth as the golf-club wielder backed away.

“Who’d of thunk it!” Smirked Lineh. “Sweet little Shoshana’s a bad ass.”

“We all knew Shoshana was a bad-ass,” Tsked the agent. “It was Eden who was the innocent one, remember? Sho has the dirty mouth.”

“I thought Idina had the dirty mouth.”

“…Her too.”

”Well, then, let’s clean it up!” Lineh stuffed some Orbit gum in Shoshana’s mouth. Right about now, the latter was rather miserable.

“HI SHOSHANA!” Yelled some random fans.

“Hello!” The actress perked up.

“Wanna sing a Christmas song with us?”

“Thanks kids, but I can’t. I’m Jewish.”

“Well, if you have your dreidel on you, we’d love to play with it!” Lineh commented.

“And sing the song?” Asked Shoshana hopefully.

“Just try and stop us!” Cheered the fans.

“I had a little dreidel, I made it out of clay! And when it’s dry and ready, with dreidel I shall play!”

“I’ll try to make it spin! It fell, I’ll try again!”

As everyone began to sing, Lineh looked at the camera. “Until next time, on Lineh’s Corner!” She practically shouted over Shoshana and her minions.


Now where were we? Ah yes, Roger was being dragged away by the kitty-cats.

Dawny took a deep breath, before yelling his name dramatically. “ROOOOOGG--“

And by some spiffy cool voice-transforming effect, the scene switched to the castle Roger had conveniently mentioned last chapter, where Roxie was currently hiding out.

“--GEEEEERR!” Roxie finished, before beginning to chant some sort of bitwitchy spell. As if that would help. I mean, let’s consider her history with magic. The first time, it was Lineh rolling the wheelchair, not her. The second time, her broom didn’t even fly. The third time, she turned Pete Wentz into a tin man. And now? Now, she’s wasting time. Way to go, Roxie. You failed. Does this qualify as talking to myself? I’m not sure. Seeming to have realized that her actions were in vain, Roxie snarled suddenly and threw the spell book across the room, where it hit some off-stage person with a thump and an anonymous “Ow!”

“What good is this chanting?! I don’t even know what I’m reading!
Don’t even know what trick I ought to try!” She cried.
“Roger, where are you?
Already dead or bleeding?”

“Why do you assume that?” Asked some audience member. “You are a morbid and paranoid person. I hate you!”

“You know what happens when you assume things,” Added Swifty.

“What?”

“It makes an ass out of u and me.”

“…That’s stupid.”

“ONE MORE DISASTER I CAN ADD TO MYYYY
GENEROUS SUPPPPLLLLLY!” Roxie attempted to drown them out.

“You know what this is?” Oh look! The Wicked characters are back! This was musical-Elphaba speaking. “It’s teen angst. I’ve been reading about it.”

“It’s drama!” musical-Glinda pushed her impatiently out of the way.

“And it’s all because she’s random! Let’s laugh and point!” Sneered book-Nessarose.

Musical-Glinda looked anxious. “Um…Nessa? I don’t know how to say this, but…you can’t point. You don’t have any arms.”

“Oh.” Book-Nessa looked disappointed. “Then how am I going to banish you all to eternal damnation!”

“I’m not going to ‘eternal damnation’, because I have no soul.” Said book-Elphie.

“Oh stuff it, greenbean.”

“YOU stuff it, or I’ll—“

“No sane deed goes unpunished!” Roxie sang mournfully, blissfully unaware of her companions.

“No act of sensibility goes unresented!
No sane deed goes unpunished!
That’s my new creed!”

“What’s a ‘creed’?” Asked musical-Fiyero stupidly.

“My road of sane intentions led where such roads always lead!
No sane deed…goes unpunished!” She continued. She’d been shunned for being random, but every time she’d try to do something…well, un-random, it would backfire. And she was sick of it. Currently, Roxie reminisced about all the trouble she had caused and the people she had lost.

“Lineh…”

“I’m right here!” Snapped Lineh impatiently.

“Dr.Tessamond…”

“Baaah.” Tessamond was busy chewing someone’s sweater.

“Roger…ROOOOOOOGER!!” Roxie was practically sobbing now. “One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention.
Was I really seeking sanity?
Or was I just seeking attention?
Is that all sane deeds are when looked at with an ice cold eye?
If that’s all sane deeds are, then maybe that’s the reason why…
NO SANE DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!
All normal urges should be circumvented!
No sane deed goes unpunished!
Sure, I meant well—“

“Or did she?” musical-Nessarose clearly thought she was on to something.

“She lost me a long time ago.” Sighed musical-Fiyero.

“I WANNA GO HOOOOOOME!” Sobbed Dorothy. Both Elphabas slapped her simultaneously.

“—Well, look at well-meant did!
Alright, enough.” Roxie suddenly grew ominous.
“So be it then.
Let all of LP be agreed…I’m random, through and through
Since I could not succeed, Roger, saving you,
I promise no sane deed will I attempt to do AGAIN!
EVER AGAAAAAIN!
NO SANE DEED
WILL I DOOOOOOOO!
AGAIIIIIIIIN!”

There was a pause.

“Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. I’m hungry.” And with that, Roxie left.

“Pssh,” Scoffed book-Glinda. “She’s just looking for an excuse to be angsty. The song really had no point!”

“But it does when I sing it,” musical-Elphaba added rather desperately. “…Right?”

She was met by silence.

“…Right, guys?!”

“Elphie, I think you should go lie down.” Musical-Glinda suggested kindly.


As this conversation was taking place, the scene slowly faded to black…and opened again at the site of an angry mob. OH MY GOD! –is smacked by book-Nessa-

“Therefore, we should all kill Roxie.” Skystar finished her speech with a nod. Everyone in the angry mob generally agreed, muttering amongst themselves, and lighting their torches.

“So go! And hunt her! And find her! And kill her!” Chanted Skystar.

“KILL THE BITWITCH!” Yelled some interchangeable kitty-cat. And guess what? He’s labeled ‘Rabid Man’ in the Wicked script. That’s…odd. But yes, this was the same kitty-cat who kept trying to get solos in 'Clothing'. He was the same one in emerald City. It will always BE the same kittycat.

“Kill? Uh guys, aren’t you taking this a little far?” Asked Dawny nervously, but was ignored.
“GO! AND HUNT HER! AND FIND HER! AND KILL HEEEER!” The crowd picked up the chant.

“GOOD FORTUNE, BITWITCH HUNTERS!” Yowled Rosebloom hysterically.

“Randomness must be punished!
Insanity effectively eliminated!
Randomness must be punished!
Kill the bitwitch!” The mob started their own song. Meanwhile, Dawny looked on anxiously. She’s having what we like to call ‘inner-conflict.’

“And this is more than just a service to Swifty!” Snarled Pete Wentz. “I have a personal score to settle with Rox—with the BITWITCH!
It’s due to her I’m made of tin!
Her spell made this occur!
So for once, I’m glad I’m heartless!
I’ll be heartless killing her!”

The crowd jeered their approval.

“And I’m not the only one,” Pete Wentz added, oblivious to Lineh’s glare. “Get out here, you flea bag! Come show them what she did to you in class that day. How she cubnapped you.”

“No!” Whimpered the Lion.

“And the Lion, also, has a grievance to repay!” Snarled Pete Wentz.
“If she’d let him fight his own battles when he was young,
He wouldn’t be a coward today!”

“Okay, now they’re just making stuff up!” Dawny said indignantly over the crowd’s spiteful cheering. Turning desperately to Skystar, she whimpered; “Stop this! It’s gone too far!”

“Oh, I think Roxie can take care of herself.” Skystar laughed evilly.

…Once again, does Skystar even know the girl?

“But Skystar,” Dawny said carefully. “Something has been bothering me. About Lineh’s death and the…uh…’cyclone’, as some would put it.” Way to change the subject, Dawnz.

Dawny slapped the authoress. “Someone needs to keep this ridiculous plot moving!” She snapped.

“Oh yes…well, I guess it was just her time.” Skystar said vaguely.

“Was it?” Dawny raised an eyebrow. “You have the power to control the weather.” She took a step back suddenly. “It was you! You killed her!”

Caught in the act! Skystar looked around shiftily. You know what they say about cornered beasts…well…I can’t actually recall it, but you get the point. They lunge for the throat or something weird like that. But in this case, it’s figurative.

“No. You killed her. Weren’t you the one that suggested the ‘rumor’?” Skystar smiled slowly.

Dawny’s eyes widened. “N-no. I never meant for anyone to get hurt!”

Torothy nudged Lineh from the sidelines. “How long are you going to let them carry on like this?”

“Oh, for awhile yet.” Lineh grinned. “I’m bored.”

“Now you listen to me!” Skystar advanced on her. “You may have the rest of this site fooled with the ‘aren’t I so good?’ routine, but I know better. You’ve wanted this since the beginning…fame? Popularity?”

“Uh…no—“ Dawny started, but Skystar wouldn’t listen.

“Well now you’re getting what you wanted, aren’t you? So just smile and wave and shut up!” Before Dawny could respond, Skystar whipped around and called out to the mob. “Good fortune! Good fortune bitwitch hunters!”

And now their cries were raising over everything.

“RANDOMNESS MUST BE PUNISHED!
BRAVE BITWITCH HUNTERS, I WOULD JOIN YOU IF I COULD!
BECAUSE RANDOMNESS MUST BE PUNISHED!
PUNISHED!
PUNISHED!
FOR GOOD!”

“Hehe, look, it’s punny.” Dawny giggled at the last line of the song, but then that nasty little devil who has been previously introduced as inner-conflict silenced her. You can do it, Dawny! Make good choices!

And then her resolve hardened. “Screw this. Even though I was just trying to smack her into next week, I’m going to save my friend…” Pushing Skystar violently out of the way, she stormed out…tripping shortly after she made it off the scene.

“...After I get some better walking shoes.”</sub>

[squee.]

-applauds- nicely done, roxalot!!

[torneh]

WHAT ABOUT BOB!!!! OMG! torneh loveses that moviee :33 lmao pete wentz. i still like feet better >.> but whatever.
IDEA!
USE LEVI! if you haven't and i just don't remeber.

[Roxie !]

<sub>Lineh: -Bows and then trips- >< I'd like to report that pain hurts. But thankies!

Torneh: Lmao xD Me tooz. As for the 'feet' thing, so does Dawny, apparantly -giggle-.And O.O omgosh okieee! I'll work him in somewherez. Muhahaha.</sub>

[torneh]

ooh levi! -squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees-
GUMBO REPORT: gumbo is EATING!

[{ tessa }]

Omg. that was raaaaaandom as ever XD.

“You know what happens when you assume things,” Added Swifty.

“What?”

“It makes an ass out of u and me.”

“…That’s stupid.”

That right there. I was DONE XDDDD.

[torneh]

hey guess what!!
-quotes jessica simpson-
"shreveport is the most crocodile infested town EVER. blah blah blah, WE WERE WADING THROUGH HOURS OF SWAMP LAND!"
swamps? crocodile?
WE HAVE GATORS, THANKYOU!
AND WE HAVE NO SAWMPS!
TRY SOUTH LOUISIANA, NOT YANKEE-LA
dumb bitch.
i needed to get that off my chest. cont.!